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[blackhat]

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the classiest voicemail;

[idesof]

[There's a longer pause than usual, because the old fart is really still not used to talking to machines. Not like this, anyway.]

...oh! Yes, hello. Hello to your answering machine, I should say. [Grandpa 5eva.] My name is James Patrick March. I keep a hotel here in Maurtia Falls, the Hotel Castile. I was calling because...

[The thump of fingers against a desk, and that polite trail turns into a short, breathy laugh. No use beating around the bush any more!]

I've wanted to speak with you, naturally, the reason anyone calls anyone else. Seems to me we have something in common.

[They like shooting people. A lot.]

That's about it, yes! You can reach me at this number or the Castile's any time. Day or night, morning or evening. I'm not in the habit of sleeping all that much. [Ghost humor!!!!] I do wish you a very wonderful day and hope to hear from you soon, at your earliest convenience.

[audio]

[blackhat]

[ The fuck.

The man in black listens to the message three times before he scrawls the number down, and it’s ten minutes, an internet search and a lit cigarette past five before he picks up the landline to dial. ]

This is William Walker, [ he says, to whatever answer, ] returning your call from earlier.

[idesof]

[You know that catpig emote on plurk where it's dancing in place, more or less? Yeah. That's March when the call comes back. Oh boy oh boy gonna make a new buddy gonna shoot people gonna maybe see what's between him and Chilton but mostly murder pals. It's Christmas in March!]

Mister Walker, yes! Thank you very much for getting back to me. I know my reaching out may not have been expected. [He's like the fucking Spanish Inquisition.] I confess I'd been hoping for something of an appointment with you. I'm terribly old-fashioned, I've been told. I always prefer to be with someone when we speak of important matters, and the matter is quite dire. Would you be amenable to this?

["What the fuck," William thinks.

"Hey boo can we chat irl kiss kiss poop emoji," he gets in return.]

[blackhat]

Old-fashioned, huh? [ The natural warmth in William Walker’s drawl is set in deep despite the chill of the rest of him, like an asphalt road hours after the sun has set. James Patrick March sure as hell sounds old-fashioned, if not necessarily in the way William’s accustomed to. ]

I’m amenable.

[ Might as well be, with the way Mister March has come sailing for him out of far left field. Thrown, most likely. He scrolls across the screen of a clunky tablet with his cigarette hand. Hotel Castile. ]

Sounds like you know where I’m officed out of.

[ ...Isn’t a question, really. Sideways smiley face. ]

Letter!

[baetiful]

[ Perhaps it's a bit old-fashioned, but the message arrives for the Man in Black via mockingbird. Sealed closed by a wax mockingbird sigil, the letter is hand-written in careful cursive. ]

Dear Mr. Walker -

We have not spoken before, but my name is Petyr Baelish. I serve as the ambassador for Maurtia Falls. I write to you on behalf of a project I am working on within my city. Construction has already begun on rebuilding a much larger library, but I wish for this to be more than simply a bigger structure. I hope to inspire education and the spread of knowledge to the natives of Maurtia Falls as well as provide an invaluable resource to new arrivals here. But more than that, I wish to use it to pay homage to the natives who lost their lives within Maurtia Falls due to imPort related tragedies. Their names will be honored within the library itself and donations will be set up to be made to the families.

For this project to succeed, I need your help. If you are able to donate anything at all to the cause, it would be most appreciated -- whether that is books, money, or simply your time. I do believe you and I have a mutual investment in Dr. Chilton's psychiatric center, so perhaps this can be yet another project we both invest in.

I thank you for your time, and I do hope to hear back from you soon.

Sincerely,
Ambassador Petyr Baelish


[ OOC: You can feel free to just respond to this OOCly if he would donate anything or not! ]

[blackhat]

[ William scrawls in print, sorta scratchy and generic. The sort of handwriting that looks good on post-it notes. ]

Ambassador Baelish,

I’ve enclosed a check with your name on it for $5,000. Install a memorial listing the names of the fallen out front and I’ll foot the bill and contribute an additional $20,000.

Dr. Chilton does good work. You must be a discerning judge of character.

If you have any questions, you can give me a call here in De Chima.

Regards,
William Walker

03.11.2017 -- call. after the package had arrived.

[slightlyoffchilt]

[His speech came jaggedly, with the fluster of emotion:]

What the fuck, Mr. Walker?

[blackhat]

[ William stops what he’s doing to check the caller ID. ]

Too big?

[ His earnest concern is buffeted by a brisk wind, scratchy and hollow over a slick mechanical clack, ring and rattle. Brass on concrete. ]

I told her to give you benefit of the doubt.

[slightlyoffchilt]

No, it isn't too big. [Practically hissed from his mouth. Too on the dot, maybe.] What had possessed you?

[blackhat]

Figured it’d mean more if it was -- [ he's careful with his word choice ] -- from the heart.

Pull.

[ Careful up 'til that last bit, which is louder. ]

06.01.2017 -- letter.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Dear Mr. William Walker,

Given the evidence provided of your assault upon my employee in my hospital, and given the precarious nature of your investment in said hospital, my lawyers advise that I not pursue litigation that may result in public criminal charges.

I expect you to pay, in full, the $250,000.00 in damages by the end of this week.

There is no need to reply to this letter. I will see you accompanied with payment by June 7th, 2017, or I will see you in court.

Sincerest regards,
Dr. Frederick Chilton

CALL

[liverletdie]

[ RING RING ]

sorry hi i was out of town for a week

[blackhat]

[ Walker answers on the third RING with a curt: ]

Yup?

no worries welcome back!

[liverletdie]

Mr. Walker. Good afternoon. My name is Tony Stark, and I wanted to talk to you about something important, if you have a few minutes.

thank

[blackhat]

[ The Tony Stark, huh? He pulls the phone away from his ear to check the screen, and pins it back into place with his shoulder.

The better to gesture with his gun for the teller to keep on putting money in that bag. ] For you I do.

when a voice has peer pressured you into bank robbery you remember what it sounds like;

[trouvaille]

( forwarded texts )

Constipated in a like, weirdly sexually threatening way.

[blackhat]

Frederick's seen him naked.

[trouvaille]

That raises so many more questions than it answers. Including 'do I want answers to these questions'.

[blackhat]

Follow your heart.

audio;

[maevelous]

You've been rather quiet, haven't you?

[audio]

[blackhat]

Takes a parent to know that’s when you should be the most concerned.

[audio]

[maevelous]

I'm hardly concerned, darling. Thought you might have settled down into a nice, quiet life. Gone into a bit of retirement in your old age.

[trouvaille]

( just a series of pictures of the merlotte butt statue culled from social media )

I can't figure out how to text a high five :(

[blackhat]

Guess I'll have to donate the next one to a museum.

[trouvaille]

What's the statement this piece is making? Click through to read eighty thinkpieces about it. Beautiful.